put the hook where it hurts most.

When they sat me down I thought for sure they were going to tell me they were getting a divorce. They weren't, but the result is much much different. Things are going to change around my house, and I'm going to change my life, so I've decided as of right now.

I'm done waiting around for good things to happen to me. I'm done. I quit. I am going to FIND these things. I am going to take an initiative to get my ass out of bed in the morning, fix my room, fix my self, and fix my life. I have been in this gut wrenching rut for so long I don't even remember which way is up anymore. I am going to take up gardening. I am going to smile more often. And I am going to be happy.

I spent so much of my life worried about myself in relation to other people. I purposly do or don't do things because I know it will make people uncomfortable. I base every single move I make on someone else's enjoyment, as much as I like to tell myself I don't.

Life is good. Life might not be perfect. But life is good.

Amanda is my rock, my best friend, my confidant. My relationship with her may not be ideal, we live apart from eachother and she has to keep things quiet on her end. However, that doesn't hinder or change the way I feel about her. I love her more for being as strong as she has been. We've hit some rough spots, but who hasn't? And I'm sure the worst is yet to come. Things can ALWAYS get worse. But I'm not going to spend my time worrying about what they could be, because really, I am so happy with her right now I could care less what negativity the future holds.

Lauren and Jenn are the two best friends/sisters a person could ASK for. I have never met someone I could just talk in foreign accents to for hours, laugh about the word poop, and in the next breath cry on their shoulder because something didn't go my way. I'm so blessed to have this built in best friend in Lauren. She really is what makes me function, some times. And Jenn? When we talk I feel smart. Like, I can give something to the conversation and I can take something from it as well. There's no competition for who is smarter, prettier, more fluent in this or that. Best fucking friends. Three cheers for five years.

My job isn't that great, and I'm looking for a new one.

I got accepted into HACC. =] Which isn't a big deal. But I still have that letter saying "here is your future. you did it."

As much as I like to bitch about my life being imperfect, I'm going to try and take the time out of being completely miserable to actually try and accentuate the beautiful things that happen to me every single day. Because really, they do.

Oh. Blame the cold medicine for this blog, okay? =]