Here is a small sample of the run-around my brain does on a daily basis.
"I need to go back to school. Home life is so sucky without it. I need to go back to school. But. School is expensive, and I need to pay off my car first. And I wont be able to hold a full time job and go to school full time. But my job is why I need to go to college. I don't have the money. I wanna go to college so bad. But. I can't. Because I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Why would I waste the money going to school for something I don't even know. I wanna be a hairstylist, but I need the money. God I dont wanna go back to school. I hate my job. I wanna go back to school."
I don't think that all adds up to "I'm scared." Because I'm not. I'm just... empty headed. I don't know what I want. But I know it's not this.
I don't walk around with a false sense of security. "Oh, things will work themselves out." Because I'm proactive. I need to be in control.
I feel like I'm in a speeding car, holding on to the wheel pretending to have control, when really, control was something I lost a long time ago.
But I'm not spiriling yet. Things can and will get better with a little effort, I think. I just need to make up my mind.
The funny thing about life is;; I wanna be everything when I grow up.
Tell me about it. I have (almost) the same problem...
ReplyDeleteI want to do lots of things in my life, too. And honestly, I plan on it.
ReplyDeleteMore experiences = more things to write about.
You'll figure things out. I still don't know exactly what I want to do, but I plan on going to HACC and just taking general courses until I think of something better. Then again, I'm currently not doing much of anything at all...
Like I said before. You'll figure things out.