death, or something like it.

Last night I sat in the car with an old friend for at least four hours. During this time, I discovered a few things about myself. A few things that I hadn't really noticed before.

1) When things don't go my way, I either force it to, or turn my head and fake it.

2) It takes only teeny tiny misunderstandings to completely break my trust in a person.

3) I have lost my passion for EVERYTHING. Reading. Writing. Music. My three biggest and most important factors. Gone. I don't even WANT TO anymore.

There are others, of course, but I don't really feel compelled to tell you what they are.

We're putting my dog to sleep on saturday, if things go a certain way. I don't know how to feel about that. Something that makes everyone else so sad just kind of bounces off. Maybe my brain has reached it's mental capacity. "No more room here. Not in my backyard."

I got yelled at at work today. It was pretty dry. "You called off. You don't sell enough. We shouldn't be having this conversation." I let it roll off my shoulders, but I mean, what else could I do? I don't WANT TO anymore. I used to have goals, plans, dreams. I don't have anything. I change my mind from day to day. I didn't work any harder then normal. Whatever, man.

I need something new. A change of pace.

the funny thing about life is;; there are no funny things about life.